A Year of Purpose in Review

It's time to look back on the last year and how my One Word has played out.  For 2017 that word was PURPOSE.

In anticipation, I expected I would approach things with purpose.  That I would more consciously choose what I did and choose things that had a real purpose.  A purpose of value.  That instead of running around putting out fires, which my life has so often been, I would take a breath and choose.  I would ponder, if only for a minute, what was the proper use of my time and energy.  And that did happen.  Some.

But often it played out differently.  I had something I wanted to do or needed to do and tried to find a deeper purpose in it.  I need to go to the library to pick up a book for my daughter.  But what is the greater purpose for this.  My daughter is currently house bound.  I'm going to the library as an act of service.  I am doing something for her that she can't currently do for herself.  There were many instances of that.

Or I tried to give something purpose.  I'm going for a run.  This run is to build my running base.  Or I dedicate these miles to a friend who is struggling.  Things such as this.

But most often it happened in the middle of something I was doing.  I'm on hour three of a Netflix binge.  Why?  What is my purpose for spending so much time this way?  It's an effort to avoid the struggles of my life.  It's an attempt to dull the things I'm feeling that I don't want to feel.  It's a weird way I can feel like I'm accomplishing something, as I check episodes off.  There was way more of this type of analysis than usual.

I'm big on examining my motivation for things.  But this was a bit different.  Looking for a purpose.  And asking myself if my purpose was a healthy one.  Was it good for me?  Did it serve a larger purpose?  What general direction were these choices taking me, and did that lead to my bigger purpose?  To the broader goals, the long-term goals, I have for myself.

I can honestly say I sometimes did well with this and sometimes didn't.  Finding out what my purpose for doing something was sometimes stopped me in my tracks and made me change direction.  Other times not so much.

I think this one will stick with me.  And it leads well into 2018's word.  Coming soon.

A Year of Creating

2014.  It's almost over.  Where did it go?  And so fast.  It's done and gone so fast.

And what do I have to show for it?

I love to look back on the year and see what's changed.  What did I get done that I wanted to and what plans fell in the gutter?  I especially love this look back since I've started choosing ONE WORD to guide my year (explained here).

Last year my word was CREATE.  I had so many great plans, while still leaving things open to the natural flow of my life and whatever the world would bring my way.  Some of my plans came to fruition.  Others, not so much.

I wanted to draw more.  I did, but not as much as I had planned.
I wanted to create the yard I'd been dreaming of.  I made progress, but not as much as I had planned (thank you hysterectomy).
I wanted to make my room a haven.  I did really well at this (although maintenance is tricky).

I had a list of words as part of my plan.  Some with obvious meaning, others more ethereal.  I created a vision canvas to help guide me.  I hung it on my closet door and referred to it often, to just kind of check in with myself.

I wanted to create:
     - peace
     - stability
     - strength
     - refuge
     - dragonflies*
     - healing
     - haven
     - space
     - calm
     - wellness
     - sanctuary
     - satisfaction
     - fortitude
     - oasis
     - happiness
     - gargoyles*
     - garden
     - structure
     - dragons*
     - wholeness
     - atonement
     - shelter
     - freedom
     - health
     - joy
     - self
     - focus
     - safety
     - divinity
     - dreams
     - escape
     - order

*I didn't want to create dragonflies, gargoyles, or dragons; I wanted to incorporate them into my life.  I love them in a magical way.  They sing to my heart.  I did learn to draw a basic dragonfly that I'm happy with.  I'm still searching for just the right gargoyle(s).  But as for the dragon, I'm not there yet.  I wanted to learn to draw one.  I have some ideas, and a tutorial for a basic one, but no finished product.  I still have today and tomorrow.  Maybe I'll get it done before the year is over.

As for the others on my list, I have had a certain measure of success on all of them.  And that's why the ONE WORD idea works for me.  I don't have to be perfect (perfectionism is a struggle I have).  I keep it very open, loosely defined.  It's a guide, not a restriction.  Even with all the struggles and health issues I had this last year, I'm calling it a win!

I'll keep my vision canvas for CREATE up for a while.  I love the ideas it contains and it makes me happy.  And I'm eager to create one for my new word for 2015.  It's just the perfect word for my life right now.  That will be my next post.

A Few Recent ZIA Pieces

In order for something to be called a Zentangle, it has to stick to the basic formula.  On a 3.5" tile, black and white only, true Zentangle patterns (not intended to look like anything or really have a right side up).

Most of what I do (and much of what shows up in a Zentangle search) is actually Zentangle Inspired Art (ZIA).

I haven't felt up to writing, but I've been drawing some.  Here are a few of my recent ZIA pieces, all on 8.5" x 11" linen paper.



I asked my son (17) to tag this wall and then cleaned it up a bit and added details.  It was fun to include him on my project and he did an awesome job!





I was going for a stained glass feel with this one.  I really like the way it turned out.  Unfortunately, now I'm having trouble deciding what to do with the sections.  I like it so much the way it is; I don't want to mess it up.  Some day inspiration will strike and I will finish it.  Inspiration always strikes eventually.

One of my favorite patterns is Widgets.  I've used it a lot.  It's usually small and used to fill a space.  For this piece I used the Widgets shapes as the design to fill.  It was fun to work with them on a larger scale.

I sometimes struggle to leave edges open, without solid borders drawn in pen.  This was an exercise for that.  I used pencil to lightly draw outlines for the petal shapes (just the sides, I left the tops open).  I used different grid-based patterns because I've found myself steering away from them and felt like I needed to practice.  I tried to let the grid hit the edge in such a way that when I removed the pencil line it would just feel like the shape ended naturally instead of being contained with a border.  I like the difference.  I'll have to try this more often.

This one was by far the most time consuming (I just might have stayed up until three in the morning with an obsessive need to finish it), but was also super fun.  The globe idea was inspired by a piece by Erin at The Bright Owl.  I saw it months ago and have wanted to try it ever since.  Again, I tried the no-actual-border-line thing.  The shading creates the border and helps the circle become a sphere.  My daughter said it reminds her of art from people on drugs, like The Yellow Submarine movie.  Art that looks like I was stoned?  Hm. Not sure if that's a compliment, but she captured the feel of the craziness of the background.  I'm kind of picturing it in psychedelic colors now in my head.  Far out, man.

 

And that's what I've been doing lately.  I'm feeling much better.  Oh, so much better.  I'm still having some anxiety moments and hurting a lot, but I feel like myself again.  Everything is easier when my brain and I get along.



A Little Bit About that Zentangle Thing

I will post a health update soon.

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A little while ago I posted some pictures and introduced a new word to many of you -- Zentangle (which is a registered trademark and is supposed to have that little R in a circle thing, but I don't know how to do that on here so let's pretend this is a really long version of that).

A few of you have said you looked into it a bit or thought about trying it but haven't really found your way.  So I thought it might help if I shared my Zentangle (still trademarked and you'll have to assume that from now on) journey with you.

I first saw the Zentangle art form over a year ago on my cyber-friend's blog (Sherri -- not to be confused with a cyberman, for all you Whovians).  She fights MS and talked about how tangling helped her.  Even though I don't have MS, a lot of the symptoms I have are similar to things she struggles with.  I was intrigued but didn't think I could do it.  I doodled in junior high and high school and used to copy the illustrations in my Peanuts book and took a basic art class in seventh grade.  That was about the extent of my drawing experience.  I just kind of filed it away in the back of my mind as an if-I-ever-feel-well-again-I-will-try-this thing.

I don't know why I suddenly decided the time was right a week before Thanksgiving this last year, but I did.  I thought about it for a day or two.  Looked it up a bit.  And then went out and bought what I thought were the absolute basics I'd need.  A sketchbook and pens.  A six dollar sketchbook from Walmart and a fine and medium Sharpie (also from Walmart).  Within a few days I'd added a pencil (just a regular one from the drawer) and some Q-tips to my supplies.  A few days later I bought a gum eraser and a paper stump (for blending, which is what I'd been using the Q-tips for).

These are the basics.  That's what the Sharpie packaging looks like in case you want to buy some.

This is my sketchbook, which has my name on the cover because two of my daughters have the same kind.


For the first little while I just drew in my sketchbook.  I searched out some of the basic patterns and copied them in my book, for practice and reference.  I drew some simple tangles.  I was really enjoying it, even though it caused me to fight my perfectionist tendencies. 

Then, as he was looking at my latest tangle, my husband said he wanted to color it.  Which, of course, I wouldn't let him because it was my art.  Hello?  But it inspired an idea.  I decided to make a coloring book for him for Christmas (which I did and made several for my kids and a few friends, too; I have these in a pdf file and you are welcome to it if you want it, just shoot me your email address).  That's when I bought some linen paper (because I love the texture of it) and got out the clipboard and started drawing on 8 1/2 x 11 paper.

I don't think this is the traditional journey to Zentangle, but who knows.  Zentangle is an art form that started around 2005ish when a former Buddhist monk was watching his artist wife add detailing to a piece she was working on.  She described what she felt as she did it and he told her it was just like meditation.  They worked together to create a simple system so others could enjoy a similar experience.  Their tag line is, "Anything is possible one stroke at a time."  They also say there are no mistakes, just opportunities to discover new patterns and go in unexpected directions.

They teach their method to others who then become Certified Zentangle Teachers (CZTs).  There are CZTs all over the world, although there isn't one close by me.

Zentangle is done in black and white, with shading (although there are variations on this and lots of people add color).  It is done with pigment pens (so many to choose from, but the Sharpies worked just fine for me for a long time and were the least expensive option).  It is taught on tiles (3.5 inch squares of paper sold by the company).  The tiles now come in white, black, and Renaissance (which are tan).  They also have black and white circles.  These are all about the size of a drink coaster.  They also have black and white ATC-sized cards.

Anyone who has done paper crafts knows you can buy all the stuff from the main company and get great stuff but pay a lot or buy similar stuff at your local craft store and pay a lot less.  It's fun to have some genuine Zentangle supplies, but not necessary.

(Yes, I know my "little bit" about Zentangle is turning into a "lotta bit."  But I want to keep it in one post.  Deal with it.)

You start with a string, which is basically just a line of any shape.  Then you use the Zentangle patterns to fill in the spaces this line created.  The line is your skeleton.  The patterns are the muscles and skin.  The shading is the beautiful clothing.  Or something like that.

Most of the patterns have step-outs available.  This is a step by step illustration of how to do what they did.  There are so many patterns that look complex but are so simple (like Paradox).  The best resource for tangle patterns is TanglePatterns.com.  I have spent a lot of time there doing things like this:

A page of patterns from my sketchbook.  Make sure you include the name of the pattern in case you need to look it up again.  Also, if I figure anything out as I draw it, I make note of it next to the pattern.  Because I am old and won't remember.

But sometimes I do this:

This has some tangle patterns I saw and wanted to try, one I tried to draw but it sucked so I gave up and crossed it out, and those dark swirl things.  That's a loose recreation of the pattern on the carpet outside of my therapist's office.  Cool patterns are everywhere!

There are also a lot of YouTube videos that teach Zentangle.  One of my favorite YouTube teachers is Ellen Wolters.

I'm still finding my way, deciding what works for me and what doesn't.  I think my art will continue to expand.  It's been very enjoyable for me.

And before you tell me you can't do it, let me tell you this.  My husband has started tangling.  My can't-draw-a-straight-line-or-a-circle-either-for-that-matter husband.  And he loves it.  His tangles turn out very different from mine, but they are still cool and it's very satisfying and soothing for him.  And he doesn't have the same perfectionist issues I do, so he tends to experiment more.  His are very creative.

If you think you'd like to try but want someone next to you to walk you through it (and are in my general area), let me know and we'll find some time to get together so I can show you the basics that I've learned.  I am absolutely NOT a CZT.  I am just a self-taught novice who is willing to share what she's learned.

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I have added a tab, Tangled Art, under my blog header.  For now, this is where I will put pictures of the pieces I create.  Hopefully, I will find a better option for this eventually.

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I am participating this week in two Zentangle based challenges.

First, the I Am the Diva Weekly Challenge #152 -- Aquafleur:

This is the first time I've drawn a tangle in anything other than black.  It was fun.  Plus, I love Widgets and wanted to try making a Widget the center of a tangle.

I know Aquafleur is all about the look of a water flower, but to me it always looks like a ribbon around something.  I wanted to try something other than a flower.

 

And second, Adele Bruno's "It's a String Thing" #25 - using Fassett:

I started building this from the center out.  Soon it was this fun twisty pillar shape.  And whenever I see Fassett done randomly, I see these star shaped flowers.  I wanted to bring a few out with color.

I thought about trying Fassett in the grid style.  But as I looked at the given string, I decided it didn't really lend itself easily to a grid pattern.  Then I wondered what kind of shapes I'd get if I overlaid a grid on top of the string.  This is what I got.  I love the pinwheel shape that emerged.  I kept everything minimal (just a few sections with Fassett and a bit of shading and embellishment) because I liked the blend of the string and grid so much and wanted that to show.

If I didn't know these last two tiles shared the same string, I don't know if I'd have guessed it.

These two challenges were the first time I've worked on the 3.5" squares.  It was fun.

Coloring is Hard for Me

Quick side note:  The last couple of weeks have been very difficult for me mental health-wise.  I'll write about it soon.  For now, I welcome any good thoughts or prayers offered in my behalf.

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Coloring is easy, right?  Coloring book, crayons, relaxation.  That's how it's supposed to be, right?  And sometimes it is for me, too.  But other times it just really isn't.  Especially when I'm working on a project I'm going to give to someone.

There may be all kinds of reasons it's tough for me, but the primary reason is because I'm color blind.  Yup.  I'm one of the very rare women who have that luxury.  It's estimated that close to 10% of men are color blind but only 0.5% of women.  That's half of one percent.  Lucky me.

So all my life, color has been tricky for me.  I learned all the rules about color.  I know which ones work together and which ones don't.  I know about complementary colors and triadic color schemes.  But I still often have to ask my daughters what color something is (my son is color blind, too) and whether or not I can use this color with that one.  And since I am color blind, I really have to follow the rules of color or things get nasty.  Some people can break them with beautiful results, but not me.

So I was kind of thrilled to find out that true Zentangle is done in black and white -- not color!  Many people add color, but my tangling efforts could be complete and acceptable if I never colored anything.

Then I made a piece for a friend and he asked me to color it.  Ugh!

I was sure I would ruin it.  I had no idea how to do it.  And my coloring supplies were minimal.

So I stressed out about it.  A lot.  So much for the "zen" in Zentangle.

I thought I'd try watercolor.  I bought a nice set and watched several YouTube videos.  I knew I could do it.  Except it wasn't the same when I did it as when they did it on the videos.

So here are the steps to my first colored piece:


my practice page

I had done the piece on watercolor paper.  I had planned to color it until I got it done.  Then I liked it a lot in black and white (check out my last post to see the black and white version) and didn't want to mess it up.  Until my friend requested color.

Watercolor paper has a lot of texture.  It's also very heavy.  I liked the weight and texture of the paper but wasn't sure how it would affect the coloring.  I drew a few simple shapes with a touch of tangling on a separate piece of watercolor paper.  I also drew two smaller versions of the original piece (without the skull because that took forever) to test out color combinations and do a couple of trial runs.

I did some watercoloring on my practice page and decided I was ready to give it a try.  This is how my first test run on my mini-version tuned out:

mini-version, watercolor, first trial run



You may notice the page curled a bit.  That didn't bother me.  I was sure I could fix that if I needed to.  But I wasn't happy with the result.  Not even happy enough to finish it with some shading (I might still go back and add that later).

Then I gave up for about a week.  I didn't know what I was doing.  I was super stressed (that bad mental health struggle I mentioned).  I needed to step back for a bit and leave it alone.

Yesterday, I decided to attack it again.  Not having it finished was causing me extra stress.  I needed to finish it so I could get that monkey off my back.  I decided to use colored pencils.

I bought a set of watercolor pencils a few days before, thinking maybe I would still watercolor but in a different way (I never did end up adding water).  And I had a large collection of Crayola colored pencils from years of art projects with my kids.  I tested them out a bit on my practice page and decided just to go for it on my second mini-version (after watching a three part tutorial on YouTube about using colored pencils).

This is how the second trial run went:

mini-version, colored pencils, second trial run

There were things I liked about it and things I didn't.  But frankly, I was so tired of this hanging over my head, I kind of said "screw it" and dove into the real project.

I used mostly the Crayola pencils, but I did use one or two watercolor pencils.  I did some smudging here and there.  A bit of shading. 

And this is how it turned out:

almost there

It was acceptable.  I wasn't thrilled with it, but it was done and I was so ready to be through with it that I just didn't care that it wasn't perfect.  For a few hours.  Then it started to bug me again and I knew it needed a little bit more.

So I colored in the Widgets (the things that look like little alien robots) with some strong bright colors and darkened the red and blue on either side of the skull.  I also colored a few of the yellow dots orange.

No more tweaking.  I promise.  This is the final product:

the final product

Do I love it?  Not really.  Although it has grown on me.  When I put it away for a few hours and then come back to it, I like it more.  But I am calling it done!

A few tidbits.  You may have noticed that in each piece, the peace symbol is green.  That's not because I really loved the way it looked.  It's more because it's my own little joke that brings me a weird joy -- GreenPeace (tee hee).  Also, I did the space to the right of the skull red and to the left blue because that's the way they are colored on the Grateful Dead album art.  And since it's very much a hippie-inspired piece, I wanted to incorporate some tie dye if I could.  Hence, the rainbow border.

I'm trying to get over the fact that it didn't turn out the way I imagined it in my head and just try to love it for what it is.

I won't give up on coloring.  I want to get some different supplies to try, primarily some Tombow brush markers like I had years ago when I was a demonstrator for a stamp/scrapbook company.

But whether I love it or not, I am proud of myself for tackling something that's hard for me and not giving up.  Yay, me!

Beginning to CREATE

This is the year.  2014 is the year I begin to create the world I need.  The world of peace for my heart and mind.  This is the year I figure out what I want and how to make it happen.  With my heart and mind and body, it will. -- These are the words that create the border of my vision canvas. 

My word for 2014 is CREATE (explained here). 

My year got off to kind of a rough start.  Horrendous headache that won't break for a couple of weeks.  Nasty anxiety.  And the ever present struggle to figure out when to medicate and when to wait it out.  Knowing there will be drawbacks in either case.

So I had all these glorious ideas and then watched day after day go by without being able to fulfill them. But not entirely.

I've been able to tangle some.  Finish a couple of projects.  One of which is my vision canvas (like a vision board, but tweaked for my purposes).  Just pigment pen with pencil shading on a 9"x12" watercolor paper.

So, even though I never use photos on my blog, today I will.  And probably more in the future.  At a minimum I plan to create a sketchbook tab for my tangles.

Here's the first one I'm sharing.  My vision canvas:

It started with the word CREATE, because that's what it's all about.  Then I drew a string with some loops (in pencil, later erased).  I used this to add more words.  Not necessarily all things I will accomplish this year.  More like shades of words to color the idea.  There are more defining words in the ribbon.  In case you can't read them all they are as follows:  peace, stability, strength, refuge, dragonflies, healing, haven, space, calm, wellness, sanctuary, satisfaction, fortitude, oasis, happiness, gargoyles, garden, structure, dragons, wholeness, atonement, shelter, freedom, health, joy, self, focus, safety, divinity, dreams, escape, order.  Then I tangled in the various spaces and shaded with pencil.

I'm very new to this art form, Zentangle.  I started about a week before Thanksgiving.  So far, I am loving it.  And I love that I am learning something new.  Learning is always energizing for me emotionally.

In addition to tangling, I have found other ways to incorporate CREATE into my days, even when I'm down.  I have tweeted a quotation about creating every day.  And I have questioned myself more.  Because figuring out what I want is an elemental part of creating.

When I woke up last Sunday and began hoping for a good day at church I stopped myself.  I spent a few moments asking myself what I wanted my experience at church to be.  I focused my thoughts and heart that direction.  I prayed for assistance.  It changed my day.

I've done this a few times since.  For different events.  For me, I haven't been able to define my whole day with one choice yet.  But I can define different experiences and activities, or moments, throughout the day.  I think part of this is because I haven't been well.  I think it's also because I'm learning to use new mental muscles.  Anytime I learn something new, it takes time to become skilled at it.

Onward and upward.  More creating to do.  I'm finally starting to feel a bit better.  Ready to tackle my little corner of the world.

I leave you with my favorite tangled work so far.  It's a piece I created for a friend.  The only guideline he gave me was free flowing, kind of like The Grateful Dead.  He wants it colored, so I will be water coloring it.  For now, this is it (9"x9" on watercolor paper):

I hope you're all finding wonderful ways to experience 2014.

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Since I'm new to photos on my blog, please let me know if there are display problems for you and what platform you're using to view my blog.

Creating the World of My Dreams

As I come to the end of the year, I start thinking about what the next year will be.  What do I want to do in the next year?  How will I define it?  How will I change and grow?  This alone makes it a proactive activity. 

Approaching the new year understanding that I can define it is empowering. 

Many years in the past I have been carried along like a twig in a current.  Go with the flow.  Wherever life takes me is where I'll be.  No thought or effort to change my own direction, just reacting to things as they happen.

But a couple of years ago, when I decided to choose a word to define the year, a word for my focus, things began to change.  My word was KINDNESS the first year and SEE the next.  Both of those years were powerful and changed me in amazing ways.  The one word for a year thing totally works for me.

I am so excited about my word for this year.  I pondered all the things I want to change, all the things I want to do, all the ways I still need to grow.  I pondered who I am and who I want to be.  I pondered my world and what defines it.  Many words came to mind as options.  But eventually one floated to the top that encapsulates everything I want.

CREATE.  My word for 2014 is create.

This is the moment in my life when I am ready to truly make my world what I want it to be, in so many facets.  It fits where I am now.  And where I want to go.

My vision is that I will examine my life and decide what I want it to be.  I am usually so whatever in my life.  I am a very content person, happy with whatever life hands me.  And I think there is value in that.  But there is also value in choosing.  In making it what I want it to be.

It will be less about what I don't want and more about what I do.  Not focusing on the things I want to change or get rid of but focusing on what I want my life to be.  Less about getting rid of things and more about creating space.  Less about not feeling bad and more about feeling good.  Less about avoiding people who cause me stress and more about filling my life with people who bring me joy.  Less about overcoming negative behaviors and more about establishing habits of good behaviors.

A big part of this will be examining my life (which I love and am good at) and figuring out what I want (which I'm not as good at).

I have already started, because I just couldn't wait.  I've taken up a new art form (Zentangle).  I've begun creating space in my home.  But there's so much more room to create.  I can't wait to see what this year will bring.

Maybe it will be the year I finally do the small remodel on the bathroom I've wanted to do for years.  Maybe it will be the year I tackle the backyard and make it the oasis I want it to be.  Maybe it will be the year my bedroom becomes the haven I want it to be.  Maybe it will be the year I find a schedule that works for me and brings me peace of mind.  Maybe it will be the year I create a system for our finances that eases my worries.

It's about understanding what my heart needs and making it happen, inviting it into my life.

My life is not quite a blank canvas, but it's got lots of open space and I can easily paint over so many parts I don't like.  I'm excited to see what the final creation looks like.