Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Refuse to Apologize

No, this isn't about my husband.  I usually don't apologize to him because I'm right and he's wrong.  Right, honey?  (That was a joke, by the way.)

This is about blogging.

I read a bunch of blogs.  I currently have about 65 that I'm subscribed to.  Few of them post every day.  Some almost never post.  I read most of those posts; I comment on very few of them.

There is one thing I see over and over that bugs me.  Apologies.  Apologies bug me because it seems like these bloggers are questioning themselves, whether they are enough with what they offer.  It feels like they believe they are inadequate as they are.  That they need to constantly dance to keep their followers happy.  These bloggers apologize constantly.   (No, not all of them.  But enough that it seems like all the time.)  I probably read a post with an apology at least once a week.  And in the blogging realm I think I am much less involved than others so I'm sure there are more out there. 

If I hurt someone's feelings through something I say, I am sorry.  And I will say so if I know that I hurt them.  But there are very few things about my blog other than that for which I will apologize.

I will not apologize for:
*not commenting on every blog I read
*not replying to every comment I receive
*not posting when you think I should
*not writing about what you think I should
*not using pictures on my blog
*dropping blogs that no longer appeal to me
*not blogging in the way you think I should, whatever way that is
*choosing my real life over an e-life

This is my blog.  I will decide how to use it. 

This blog is not my life.  I will not surrender my life to the internet and/or my followers.  When I am old and gray I hope to be surrounded by my family not my blog posts. 

Please do not read this post and think about all the things you're doing wrong (if you're a blogger).  Please do not feel like I am judging you.  I am not.  And because I am not, there is no need to apologize.  You don't owe me anything.  If I read your blog it is because I like what you write.  I consider your writing to be my reward for reading.  I don't need to be wooed or babysat.  Neither of those things will keep me coming back like good content.

Just be who you are, even on your blog.  Write what you want, when you want.  Authenticity in a blog will get you so much further ahead than pandering.

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Blogger Linda said...

You go girl!
I'm still new to blogging and struggle with this follower thing. I enjoy following and it seems I'm beginning to like being followed, but I don't want to. When I started my blog it was with the idea of keeping a running journal of my experience with BPD with the idea of learning from writing, and perhaps helping someone else by sharing my experiences. And, that is working for me.

However, I didn't realize I would care about who follows me. I do care because I like the interchange of comments, but I'll admit I have to fight my ego when it comes to how many people follow me. I also read a lot of blogs and I've seen people edit their posts with the idea of keeping followers. I don't get this and hope I never succumb to that need to please. It would totally negate anything I have to say.

Anyway Robin, thanks for this post. It helps me to understand a bit more about this community we have going on here.

What has attracted me to your blog from the beginning is your authenticity.

April 9, 2011 at 11:46 AM  
Blogger Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Yep. Well, I don't know if you think I was apologizing the other day... just... sometimes I'm on a thing where I post all the time, then I kinda drop off the face of the earth, so I feel like i need to explain where I am...

The thing is, for me anyway, that I have made so many real (well, real in my mind) and genuine friendships that I feel like those relationships deserve my time if I'm going to cull them into something more than just blabity blabbing on the internet. Like a friend who hasn't called me in eons, I feel like I need to explain to the internets where I've been. Maybe I don't but I just feel like my blog is more than an online journal, it's my connection to my friends. And being an adult means not having to apologize and instead just face the fallout of our decisions, good or bad. I know it.

April 10, 2011 at 12:18 AM  
Blogger Bre And Drew said...

Great advice. I want to be as confident as you!

April 10, 2011 at 12:47 PM  
Anonymous Libby said...

Did you hear that? That's the sound of me rising from my chair and applauding... this is why I read your blog.

April 10, 2011 at 11:33 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Stopping by from SITS. Yep, it's your blog. Do your own thing!

April 11, 2011 at 3:50 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Real, honest, authentic blogs are the best kind!

April 11, 2011 at 4:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Ugh. I love it. I just wish I had the guts to say all that stuff. You are so amazing.

April 11, 2011 at 4:45 PM  
Blogger Stephi said...

Yep! You tell 'em Miss Robin! This should be the universal blogging rule instead of "if you want comments you have to comment", or " if someone give you an award you need to do this, do that blah blah...snore..."

April 11, 2011 at 5:28 PM  
Anonymous Denice (inkstitch) said...

Amen sister! I like to keep up, I do. When it works out. Which, in my life, is not all that often. But I have found myself feeling apologetic -- for what?? For "choosing my real life over my e-life"? Yeah. Not sorry 'bout that.

April 12, 2011 at 11:09 PM  
Blogger UrbanGypsy said...

Well said, my friend.....

April 14, 2011 at 12:46 PM  
Anonymous Minky said...

I am SO guilty of this! I apologize when I don't post every day. I apologize for not commenting on other peoples blogs more...In fact as a general rule I apologize a lot more than I should in real life.

April 17, 2011 at 2:51 PM  
Blogger The Blonde Duck said...

Popped in from SITS! Kudos to you for standing up for yourself!

April 18, 2011 at 4:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just stopping by but I cant tell you how much I agree with this post! I never ever apologize on my blog and I make no apology for it! lol if you dont like what I am saying thats fine no hard feelings your free to move on.. :)

April 18, 2011 at 12:56 PM  
Blogger Elena said...

Hey! Thanks so much for stopping by Life The Green Way and showing love on my SITS day!

I totally agree with you on the apologies. I feel that women often feel the need to apologize for anything that could possibly cause conflict because most of us are conditioned from an early age not to make waves or make trouble. So glad you addressed this and I hope to see you around the blogosphere soon :)

April 18, 2011 at 9:12 PM  
Blogger Gaspegirl said...

No apologies here neither... you blog for you and me for me! Great entry!!

Visiting from SITS, make it a great day!

April 19, 2011 at 7:39 AM  
OpenID livingintaradise said...

love it! No apologies ya'll!

Visiting from SITS!

April 19, 2011 at 6:46 PM  
OpenID bluecottonmemory said...

Love your blunt, direct, to the heart approach!!! Love that last sentence the best! Love it! Love it! Love it! Believe me, it is a gift to be able to verbally shoot from the hip like that (which I don't have - I meander to the point if it is uncomfortable - unless it's my boys I'm talking to, then I swallow the panic, cross my eyes and shoot from the hip verbally)

April 20, 2011 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Not Blessed Mama said...

i agree. i always think the same thing when i see a blogger apologize for an absence. it is what it is.

April 25, 2011 at 12:29 PM  
Anonymous OneMommy said...

I stopped by from SITS and already made a comment, but I thought I'd look around and I found this post. Amen, SITStah! It is only a blog, not my life. I agree. I don't always get to reply to every comment. I don't always make a comment on every blog I read. There are times a week or more goes by before I get to even look at some of the blogs I follow. I try to blog 4-5 days a week, but if I can't get a post written b/c I am spending the time with my kids, I don't think my readers should expect an apology.
I'm loving your blog, by the way, and I plan on following you, but I don't expect you to HAVE to follow me back - I just wanted to let you know I like what you write.

May 14, 2011 at 12:36 PM  
Blogger WeeMasonMan's Mom said...

Here from SITS

I'm guilty of apologizing when I disappear for more than a few days and when I don't comment enough, but I totally agree that we shouldn't allow this blogging thing to cause such guilt and such obligation since it's suppose to be for us and a stress reliever - not a heavy commitment or a burden!

October 14, 2011 at 8:58 PM  

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