Last week I posted an entry with Getting Intimate in the title. Yes, it was a tease. It lured some in with the belief that it would be about sex. Of course, it wasn't. And if you think sex is the only way to be intimate, you are really missing out.
But one of my friends called me out as a tease. So I said that I would write a blog about sex. Yes, it was kind of a rebellious, I can be bad, comment to him. But I said I'd do it -- so here goes.
Now let me say that I have given this a lot of thought. I have some teen readers. I have some single readers who are more nervous reading this than the teens. I pondered how and what I would write. I don't want to offend anyone, but I also don't want to pull any punches because of my audience.
This will not be R rated. But if you are under 18 and your parent or guardian would not be okay with you reading this, then it is your responsibility to respect that. I will write this in the same way that I would address it with my kids. However, I am more direct with my kids than most parents are, so I can't promise that you won't blush.
I could write salaciously, he touched her here and she felt this way. But I won't. Not only is that very much not my style, it's not how I feel about sex. I want to write about sex as I see it.
Just the word makes many people uncomfortable. It makes people giggle. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* If you are one of those people, get it out of your system now.
Sex is not something base. It is not ugly. It is not bad. It is not dirty. It is important. And not just for procreation.
Sexuality is a vital part of human nature; it's part of who we are. Who we are meant to be. And it is an important part of a couple's relationship.
Sex is not something you owe someone. Not anyone. Not ever. Not when you are dating. Not when you are a couple. Not when you are married. Not because they spent a lot of money on you. Not because it's the next step. Not because it's your job as a spouse. Not because it's what they want.
Sex is giving yourself to another person. If it is taken from you or you give it unwillingly it will affect you negatively; I believe it will injure your soul. It's more than physical. It's more than mechanical. It's psychological. It's spiritual. It's a part of you.
Sex should never be demanded. It should never be coerced through force, manipulation, or guilt. Persuasion, maybe sometimes. Coercion, never.
Sex can be an incredible thing. It is the ultimate physical bonding, becoming one. When two people choose to be intimate in this way, it can be a spiritual experience. It is powerful.
But like all power, it must be used wisely or it can be dangerous. It must be respected. Because it is a part of you.
And you are worth it.
15 comments:
You did a great job of teaching in this post. Thanks for being direct, yet gentle.
When someone gets married, but has never been told these things beforehand, it can take awhile to figure out. Just sayin'... ;)
Well said.
I read recently that women think about sex about once a day (or once every four hours when they are "most fertile"), and that men think about sex every 52 seconds pretty much year round. (Since it has taken me a couple minutes to write this response, I've thought about sex 2 times, but since your post was on the topic, it spiked to 4 times). All I'm saying is that men and women think about it differently because men and women think about it at far different frequencies. I think that changes everything.
I have had 24 hours to ponder your post and try to come up with a good response to it. Which I haven't, come up with one yet, except that I liked what you wrote. I want my children to read it, even the teenaged ones, so thanks for your post.
Ew. Gross, Mom. Why do you have to be embarrassing on the internet where EVERYONE can see? (*winks*)
I remember talking to my friends in high school and realizing that you and Dad are a lot more candid about sex (without being crude) than any of my friends parents. They used to get wide, scared eyes when I'd say something they didn't know. Oh, to be young and clueless! (I'm lovin'it!)
Just to clarify, I checked with Gid. He was not saying that he disagrees. He was saying that men and women are different and that we need to respect that as we try to negotiate the waters.
@Gid: Just had a couple of people ask. Wanted to make sure you were represented properly.
i think it's so important for lds teens to have a straightforward talk about intimacy with their parents. there are so many bad influences out there, parents need to be the touchstone for reality. unfortunately, many parents neglect this responsibility because of their own discomfort with the subject. i can only hope that when my sons are old enough, my husband and i can be as candid (yet loving) as you were in this post. good job!
And now it's Jess who gets wide, scared eyes when anybody mentions sex. ;) Oh how the tables have turned. It's true, my parents weren't very candid at all; in fact, I don't remember them ever saying anything about it. Though, were I still a kid I think I'd rather hear it indirectly from a blog post than face to face from my parents. Something we all need to learn at some point. No need to blush.
Aunt Robin I love you. You Rock
I like what you've written. Sex should never be an obligation. Nor should it ever be taken for granted. Always be true to yourself. Good luck with the 31 DBBB Challenge.
That was probably one of the most wonderful posts in a sexual nature that I have read. You really handled it beautifully and I agree with you. Love it!
*WOW* ..that's my interpretation of this, it was well said, it was important, it was so truthful...and even at 40 I think I actually understand the power and seduction it has in our lives.
I loved this post.
Well said
Very enlightening. Gideon's comment though got me rolling in laughter. And I though it was only my husband that thinks Sex all the time. Sometimes I wondered about him. Now, through your post I'm enlightened then I'll just continue to ignore him. LOL.
I wonder how many pageviews you will have on this post, compared to the others.
I would venture to guess a much higher number (maybe especially after today). I think it will be a much higher number because, like you said sex is VERY important for spouses.
Thank you for all you said. Very well put.
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