Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lost My Footing

When I was a kid summertime meant freedom. Roaming. Exploring. And one place my friends and I spent time was the creek.

Early summer would find it still deep enough to come up to my thighs. And, man, was it cold.

We would walk up the creek, marveling at the wonders around us. Finding cool rocks. Talking about life.

But when I wasn't careful I would lose my footing. I'd step on a wobbly rock or a slippery one and down I'd go. Sometimes I got caught in the current and was carried a ways downstream before I could get my feet under me again.

Well, I've lost my footing. I was going along okay, but I guess I wasn't watching where I was going. Suddenly I was down and going the wrong direction. I was cold and floundering. I think I've stopped losing ground and I'm very carefully trying to get back on my feet.

This happens. Over and over this happens. It's so frustrating. And sometimes it's very scary. What if I can't catch myself this time? What if I float so far away no one can find me? What if I drown?

I have always found my footing in the past. I believe I will this time as well. The sun will come out and begin to warm me as it dries my clothes. I will find my way back to my friends.

But right now I'm just stepping oh so carefully. One wrong move and I'll be down again. And I don't want to be down again; the fight to get back up can be so hard.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Refuse to Apologize

No, this isn't about my husband.  I usually don't apologize to him because I'm right and he's wrong.  Right, honey?  (That was a joke, by the way.)

This is about blogging.

I read a bunch of blogs.  I currently have about 65 that I'm subscribed to.  Few of them post every day.  Some almost never post.  I read most of those posts; I comment on very few of them.

There is one thing I see over and over that bugs me.  Apologies.  Apologies bug me because it seems like these bloggers are questioning themselves, whether they are enough with what they offer.  It feels like they believe they are inadequate as they are.  That they need to constantly dance to keep their followers happy.  These bloggers apologize constantly.   (No, not all of them.  But enough that it seems like all the time.)  I probably read a post with an apology at least once a week.  And in the blogging realm I think I am much less involved than others so I'm sure there are more out there. 

If I hurt someone's feelings through something I say, I am sorry.  And I will say so if I know that I hurt them.  But there are very few things about my blog other than that for which I will apologize.

I will not apologize for:
*not commenting on every blog I read
*not replying to every comment I receive
*not posting when you think I should
*not writing about what you think I should
*not using pictures on my blog
*dropping blogs that no longer appeal to me
*not blogging in the way you think I should, whatever way that is
*choosing my real life over an e-life

This is my blog.  I will decide how to use it. 

This blog is not my life.  I will not surrender my life to the internet and/or my followers.  When I am old and gray I hope to be surrounded by my family not my blog posts. 

Please do not read this post and think about all the things you're doing wrong (if you're a blogger).  Please do not feel like I am judging you.  I am not.  And because I am not, there is no need to apologize.  You don't owe me anything.  If I read your blog it is because I like what you write.  I consider your writing to be my reward for reading.  I don't need to be wooed or babysat.  Neither of those things will keep me coming back like good content.

Just be who you are, even on your blog.  Write what you want, when you want.  Authenticity in a blog will get you so much further ahead than pandering.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Smartly Essay -- Adrenaline

I have a new essay up over at Smartly today.  It's an attempt to describe a panic attack, what it feels like when adrenaline takes hostages.

Friday, April 1, 2011

A Princess Story

Once upon a time there were three princesses:  Gwendolyn, Donatella, and Genevieve.  They lived in an enchanted realm, in neighboring kingdoms.

One day a new princess, Princess Bobbie, moved to the realm and brought her kingdom with her.  Only she didn't know that she was a princess.  You see, that's something about being a princess -- sometimes you forget.

As she was out exploring the realm, Princess Bobbie met the three princesses.  (The three princesses were often together; it helped them remember that they were princesses.)  She was mesmerized.  These princesses glowed.  And they glowed because they were magic!  They weren't the ordinary kind of magic, the kind where everyone can do the same things.  They each had their own special magic and it was exactly the kind of magic needed for their own kingdom.

Princesses aren't what most people think.  They aren't superior and unkind.  They are welcoming and inclusive, and Princess Bobbie was thrilled to be invited into their circle of friends.  As she spent more and more time with them she began to remember who she was.  Her magic began to return.  And that was a very good thing because an evil spell had come over her kingdom; they needed her magic.  So Princess Bobbie left to protect her kingdom.  Things got better and she returned to find her princess friends.  And they were happy together again.

But the evil spell isn't ever fully conquered, it is just cast out of a kingdom.  And over time it was evident that when the spell left one kingdom it would eventually find its way to another.  Sometimes it found its way to one of the other princesses' kingdoms.

If it attacked a kingdom while the princess knew who she was, she was able to defeat it.  But if she was a little unsure of herself, if she couldn't see her own magic anymore, the evil could overwhelm her.

And one of the laws of magic and spells was that each princess had to defeat the evil in her own kingdom.  The other princesses couldn't do it for her.  All they could do was cheer for her.  And try to remind her of who she was and to help her find her magic again.

But the evil tried to keep the princesses apart.  The evil knew that the princesses were stronger when they were together, that their magic grew as they spent more time with each other.

The evil also knew that being a princess is hard.  It can be a very lonely thing.  Especially when a princess forgets who she is.  That's why the evil worked to make each princess feel like she didn't belong or wasn't good enough to be with the other princesses.

But the princesses love each other.  And they are strong.  And they will keep fighting their battles and strengthening each other.  And although one may get lost every now and then, the glow from the others will always lead her back to them.  And the princesses will welcome her back where she belongs and help her remember who she is and the power she has.  Because that is what princesses do.