What's Wrong with Me

I've often visited another person's blog and been confused.  They refer to an illness or struggle and I have no idea what they're talking about.  I understand a blog is kind of a history.  And coming in on the middle means I will miss things and some things won't make sense.

But I wanted to make it simpler on my blog.  I just thought it would help if you know what I'm talking about when I refer to not being well.

  Major Depressive Disorder
  Bipolar II
  Anxiety Disorder
  Panic Attacks
  PTSD -- from various abusive situations
  PMDD -- high end PMS (up to two weeks a months, sometimes debilitating; no longer, since my hysterectomy in 2014)
  Carpal Tunnel in both arms

Undiagnosed (after many tests and treatments including MRIs, neurological screenings, electro-conductivity testing, many blood tests, eyes checked, teeth checked, psychological screening, EKG, pain clinic workup, sleep study):
  Chronic Headache (since 2005)
  Chronic Fatigue (since 2001)
  Various symptoms that may or may not be related to the above:  fluctuating vision, dizziness,   nausea, body aches, joint pain, chest pain

Basically, I am exhausted all of the time.  No matter how I eat or sleep.  And I hurt all day, every day.  No matter what pain meds I take.  Therefore, my life is different from what I expected it to be.  I have had to learn to redefine what is important and why I am of value.

Sometimes I seek treatment.  Other times I just ride it out.  Sometimes I try meds.  Other times I just ride it out.  As anyone with ongoing medical/mental health struggles knows, the emotional roller coaster of thinking something will work and then being disappointed when it doesn't can be very painful.  Sometimes I'm just too worn out to try anymore. - Right now I'm actively fighting.  May, 2015.


DaNelle said...

Wow, I love your blog! You posted on my blog from SITS and I am so impressed with yours! You are so brave to blog about your abusive Dad. I had an abusive childhood even though I was raised Mormon and even here I'm scared to say it. Can't wait to read up on your blog and get inspired.

Anonymous said...

I am assuming you have researched mold or bio toxin illness? You sound like a candidate ..... search the work of dr Ritchie shoemaker ..... peace out:)

Wendy said...

Having gone from Hyper to hypothyroidism I feel a little of your pain. Its so dang frustrating. I recently found out that carpal tunnel syndrom is a side effect of hypothyroidism. Fun when you work on a pc the entire day long.

One good thing from me going from hyper to hypo is that the insane rages left me. I've found that the depression is easier to manage if I stay away from sugar (which I crave so desperately at times).

Life can be a challenge some days

Unknown said...

I just found your blog and love it! I have had a lot of the same mystery symptoms for years (recurring headaches, mood swings, depression, etc). I gave up gluten and dairy and reduced my sugar intake. While I am still tired most days due to an 11 month old, I do feel like a different person :)Have you explored the dietary connection?

Anonymous said...

Two things that can cause dizziness and nausea--migraines and Lyme Disease. The latter can be undiagnosed for YEARS. It can cause memory loss, equilibrium issues, vision issues, swollen and aching joints, anemia, low-grade fever, irritability, depression, fatigue and so many other things. There are more than 100 co-infections associated with Lyme Disease. Ask your PCP run a Lyme Disease screening.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I found this blog through your other blog "the difficult things", and as I read through everything there, it really floored me to read about someone who had such a similar past, similar marriage problems, etc. I mean, yes, I've read stuff from other people and been like "oh, it's like she's writing stuff from my own head", but not to this extent. Then I come here and find out that you also have the same illnesses and I have. o.O Sorry, I'm not trying to be all "we're the same!" it's just more like...I read about other people's trauma and healing, and while it resonated, I always still felt like they were still too different from me. That they were good people and deserved to be treated well and to heal, but that because of certain things about myself, I didn't deserve the same. Reading about you, and how similar our experiences are, and feeling such compassion and empathy for you...has helped me to feel more compassion and empathy for myself.