I tend to be a very logical person. I'm not super emotional most of the time. I don't get flat out angry very often. I get irritated. I get frustrated. I snap at my family. But it takes a lot to provoke me into a full blown chew out of someone outside of my own home.
(I am a very direct person, so I think people feel like they are being chewed out by me more than I do.)
But every now and then something happens that I just can't let go. I process it. I stew over it. I can't stop thinking about it. If I can't let it go, I believe it's only fair to the person to let them know that it bothered me. That way, if there's been some kind of mistake or miscommunication they can clear it up.
When this happens I try to really think about it first. I try to make sure that I can communicate my feelings accurately without attacking or accusing them. I try to find a place of peace in myself. I try to communicate with love and a desire that everyone involved grows from the experience.
And then there's Mama Bear. Every once in a while something will happen that I sense is a threat to one of my children. Maybe it's a physical threat. Maybe it's a spiritual threat. Maybe it's a psychological threat. Whatever the case, if you cross this line -- WATCH OUT!
This is when I lose my mind. This is when I say something that is pure vile. Totally mean. With every intent to make the receiver incredibly penitent. And sometimes I even take that jab in that tender place that I know will hurt their feelings.
My weapon of choice is generally email. Words are my strength so I hit hard. And that way the tears of anger I'm crying don't weaken my position or make it so that I can't speak clearly.
In an intense heat of fury I rattle off a scathing email. I can almost feel the fire under my fingers as I type. I feel as though I am channeling a demon out to destroy.
And I have that moment. The moment when the email is finished, fully composed, and I have that little voice that tells me to think a little more before I send it. Wait just a while. You might regret this.
But my darker angels win and I hit send.
It is usually within a day that I begin to regret it. And I compose another email. This one says, while I still mean what I said about the problem, I do not think you are the devil incarnate and I hope we can still be friends.
I am not proud of this behavior. It is animalistic at it's purest. And so far people have been understanding and we've been able to work things out.
But I have learned one very important rule: You'd better respect Mama Bear.