Rerun: Energy Vampires and Soul Suckers

It's time for a new post, but I'm just not up to it.  Still hurting a lot.  Still finding my way.

So here's another rerun.  It's from January 2010.  I hope you like it.

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Energy Vampires and Soul Suckers

Have you ever noticed that there are some people in life who are just draining?  Any interaction with them will leave you feeling depleted.  With some people it takes a long conversation full of their needs and ignoring yours before it hits.  With others, it's as soon as they enter the room.  As soon as you see them -- whoosh!  Energy drain.  It's almost like you can feel the life leaving your body.

Sometimes a person is truly in crisis.  They need to talk and if you can listen and give of yourself, they will get better.  It's a momentary crisis.  And they give back when it's you who are struggling.  They listen.  They give.  This doesn't seem to be so draining.  Partly because they refill you when you need it and partly because you are giving willingly.

But other people just take.  They corner you and utilize you.  They barrage you and then leave you in a crumpled heap.  You are glad it's over, but you know they'll be back.

Giving of yourself is charitable.  It's the Christlike thing to do.  I can hear the arguments.  And you're right; it is.  But what about the cost to you?

I think of Little Shop of Horrors.  Seymour tries to appease Audrey II with his own blood.  He soon discovers that he can't satisfy Audrey II's appetite.  And think of the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal.  They drain the Gelflings to fill themselves.  In both cases, it is all about meeting their needs and they are indifferent to their food source.

Some people are like this.  They have a hunger that cannot be satiated.  You can give and give, and when you are lying dead on the floor they will move on to someone else because they are still hungry.

I don't know about you, but I am still trying to figure out how to protect myself from energy vampires and soul suckers.  I believe that it is an important skill to learn.  As sovereign beings, we are responsible to set our boundaries to protect ourselves.

And luckily, not everyone we interact with is a soul sucker.

There are others, people who give.  Sometimes it's a two-hour conversation with both of you crying.  Other times it's a smile from across the room when you really need it.  These people are soul healers.  These people are well fillers.

I want to be like them.  But I'm a beginner.  I still vacillate between the two.  Sometimes I drain.  Sometimes I give.

But someday I want to be like those rare gems who are true healers.  These people can fill you up even when they are in crisis.  They receive more by giving.  Somehow, they have learned to protect themselves and still give away as much as is needed.

These people are the angels who walk among us.  And most of them don't even realize it.

The Glory of Women -- Smartly

I have a new essay up at Smartly today singing of the Glory of Women.  Read it and recognize the women in your life.  Or yourself.

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I Hate Shopping!

I know, I'm going to have to surrender my girl card.  I'm pretty sure I was disqualified on shoe grounds a long time ago (I only own five pairs - *gasp*).

I've never understood window shopping, unless I was doing actual research for something I was preparing to buy.  I've never understood the need to shop for therapeutic reasons; you know, retail therapy to cure a bad day.  And I do not understand the mall.

I'm not talking about grocery shopping. I don't think anyone likes that, except the overworked mother of young children who uses it as a temporary escape.

I am talking about buying things just to have more stuff or newer stuff.

I am of the wear-it-out philosophy.  It's only new for a minute.  Then it's used.  And when it's new I just worry about it; if something happens to it, it won't look new anymore.  When it's used or worn in, I'm not as concerned if someone damages it or if it gets lost or stained.

And I swear on a stack of bibles, I HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH STUFF!  I can't get rid of stuff fast enough to keep up with all that comes into my house.  Why on earth would I want to contribute to the problem by buying more stuff I don't need?

I don't actually like stuff.  I don't get joy from stuff.  I find stuff utilitarian.  If it's useful, great.  If not, I don't want it.

And yes, I know, everyone who has ever given me a gift is now saying, "Well, I won't do that again."  And that's okay.  I would so much rather we use the money to go to lunch together.  Or out for some other activity.  Even one that's free.  (I promise, they will not kick you out of America for not wanting to spend money.  They'll want to, but they won't actually do it.)

My lack of interest in stuff causes me relationship problems.  To me, the best gifts are gifts of time and effort.  I would so much rather someone clean out and wash my car than give me jewelry.  So I am afraid I don't show appreciation for tangible gifts well.  And there are people in my life who do like stuff.  For holidays and birthdays they do want stuff.  So if I make an effort to serve them and spend time with them, they still want to know where their present is.

Oh, well.  I will keep stumbling along trying not to hurt feelings and trying to stay ahead of the constant influx of stuff.  It's the world we live in and it's a tough fight.

As for shopping, I do have two weaknesses.  I could spend hours in office supply stores and hardware stores.  I love seeing all the different solutions for everyday problems.  Who knew they made something that could do that?  Seriously, put me on the hinge aisle or in the knob section and I become a kid in a candy store.

And back to the girl card, I'm not sure I was ever actually issued one.  I was too busy learning to open my own jars.

Energy Vampires and Soul Suckers

Have you ever noticed that there are some people in life who are just draining?  Any interaction with them will leave you feeling depleted.  With some people it takes a long conversation full of their needs and ignoring yours before it hits.  With others, it's as soon as they enter the room.  As soon as you see them -- whoosh!  Energy drain.  It's almost like you can feel the life leaving your body.

Sometimes a person is truly in crisis.  They need to talk and if you can listen and give of yourself, they will get better.  It's a momentary crisis.  And they give back when it's you who are struggling.  They listen.  They give.  This doesn't seem to be so draining.  Partly because they refill you when you need it and partly because you are giving willingly.

But other people just take.  They corner you and utilize you.  They barrage you and then leave you in a crumpled heap.  You are glad it's over, but you know they'll be back.

Giving of yourself is charitable.  It's the Christlike thing to do.  I can hear the arguments.  And you're right; it is.  But what about the cost to you?

I think of Little Shop of Horrors.  Seymour tries to appease Audrey II with his own blood.  He soon discovers that he can't satisfy Audrey II's appetite.  And think of the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal.  They drain the Gelflings to fill themselves.  In both cases, it is all about meeting their needs and they are indifferent to their food source.

Some people are like this.  They have a hunger that cannot be satiated.  You can give and give, and when you are lying dead on the floor they will move on to someone else because they are still hungry.

I don't know about you, but I am still trying to figure out how to protect myself from energy vampires and soul suckers.  I believe that it is an important skill to learn.  As sovereign beings, we are responsible to set our boundaries to protect ourselves.

And luckily, not everyone we interact with is a soul sucker.

There are others, people who give.  Sometimes it's a two-hour conversation with both of you crying.  Other times it's a smile from across the room when you really need it.  These people are soul healers.  These people are well fillers.

I want to be like them.  But I'm a beginner.  I still vacillate between the two.  Sometimes I drain.  Sometimes I give.

But someday I want to be like those rare gems who are true healers.  These people can fill you up even when they are in crisis.  They receive more by giving.  Somehow, they have learned to protect themselves and still give away as much as is needed.

These people are the angels who walk among us.  And most of them don't even realize it.