For the second part of our story read this.
Today I offer the final part of the story: what happened when he saw the truth.
I WAS AN ABUSIVE HUSBAND. REALLY? (PART THREE)
I started to work with a friend from an old job. He is a very sensitive and caring man who understands women (and no he isn't gay). But when I would talk to him at work and tell him how nuts my wife was he would always tell me where I was wrong. He was very good at it because he can talk both male and female. He had been through a lot of therapy, too.
Robin and I were about done with marriage and I was sick of all the accusations of being abusive. I still loved her and didn't want to divorce but she just wasn't getting it. Then one day we had a meeting, just her and me. I was finally to the point where I really wanted to understand what she was trying to say. I don't know if she explained it to me better that time or I finally listened but I got it. It was the yelling, putting down and getting even that was the abuse. The seething hatred when I was angry. The fact that everyone at home was walking on egg shells around me so they wouldn't trigger another outburst from the angry man.
Holy cow, what an eye opener that was. I love these people and they all feel like I hate them. They walk on egg shells around me. My wife and kids. It was a shot to my heart.
But how to fix it, for now I see just what a bastard I am. Anger was my nature. I couldn't control it. It would explode in me and I had to yell or I would be violent (I never was but it was because I could yell at those I was angry with). I also knew that my OCD triggered my anger and how was I going to fix that?
That's when I started therapy (or thereabouts). We found Dr. Dan. Robin, bless her, saw my horror when I finally understood and we decided to work together to beat this thing. I was ready.
It was really hard. I had to learn how to control my anger. I had to face issues from my past that I wanted to leave alone. I had to trust Dr. Dan. (Don't think that wasn't hard.) I had to learn how to be a real man. A real husband and father. I don't always win in my daily fight to control my anger or my OCD, but I win most days. I've learned that you can change. You can control anger. I'm to the point now where I hardly ever get angry anymore. It's been a long road and I've had a lot of help.
The most important thing I've learned in this whole process is that you have to accept the fact that you are wrong. Be humble enough to be told you're being a jerk and realize you are but you can change. Your wife isn't trying to control you. She loves you and is trying to help you reach your potential.
Thanks for helping me be a better man, Robin.