Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Difficult Things

I have pondered this for a long time.  I have debated writing here about the difficult things in my life.  You may think I have already done so.  You are wrong.  The things I have written about so far were much easier for me to write than what is yet to come.  If things I have written so far are too difficult for you, you might not want to read the other difficult things.  I will certainly understand and will not judge you.

I'm not quite there.  Just thinking about it today, remembering it, brought me to tears.  I need more time.  I need privacy to write.  But soon.

I will try to find a way to identify it in the title so that you can easily recognize it and skip it if you'd like.  I do not want anyone to carry these things that isn't ready.

I do have important things to say.  It's not so much that I want to say them as that I need to.  Writing is a way to cleanse the toxins out of our systems, the emotional toxins that infect us due to traumatic experiences.

I have written about them, but just for myself and a few select friends.  I think my soul would heal without writing about them again.

The reason I feel compelled to write about them is for others.  There are many women (too many) with similar stories who have not found their voices, who have lost themselves.  I want them to know that they are not alone.  I want them to know that they are not crazy.  I want to support them, if only by believing them.  By validating them.

I am strong.  I am supported.  I know my voice.

So I will use my voice to tell my story, and theirs to some extent.  It's amazing how similar these stories are.  I have heard so many of them from incredible women -- women who don't know they are incredible.

But they are.


Jessica Grosland said...

I support you, Mom. You are one of the strongest people I know. And I know that you are recovering from more than I have been privy to, and that's fine with me. I'm not sure if I want to know ALL the monsters from your past. But, without knowing what they are, I still believe in you.

MaggieJo said...

I want to hear them. I don't fight monsters other than poopy diapers and lack of self esteem. But I am a people watcher. I see people. I want to see people through books, movies, stories of a friend who knew a friend. Because that way, maybe I can help a friend, or a stranger who will someday be a friend. Maybe not help, but at least have the beginnings of understanding. I am a believer of standing together, or sitting together, whatever the case may be.

Kazzy said...

Well said, Jess. Your maturity shows.

In the big scheme, I am not sure how much I have been privy to. Some, I know.

But your healing is what counts, and helping others is so often a part of the process.

Lots of love.

Dawnelle said...

Two things: First, I found myself confiding things in people that weren't appropriate, then I realized why Heavenly Father wanted us to write a journal. I have two blogs, one is for others and one is strictly for myself to put my deepest thoughts. I debated highly whether to make my blog for others invite only (and I'm still working on that for you ☺). So this is where this comment leads to you--perhaps you could title the blog entries you're not sure everyone wants to read "Invite:..."and then the rest of it? Just a thought. Second, I had a relative who validated me at a critical time in my life. To this day, I can't tell you how much that meant to me! It was at a critical and pivotal point for me. She literally changed my life! If you're able to validate someone else like this relative did for me, I think you NEED to do this--when you're ready.

Survivor said...

It takes strength to share. It takes depth to want to help others. You have both. I'm ready when you are.