Monday, June 28, 2010

Mama Bear Goes Crazy

I tend to be a very logical person.  I'm not super emotional most of the time.  I don't get flat out angry very often.  I get irritated.  I get frustrated.  I snap at my family.  But it takes a lot to provoke me into a full blown chew out of someone outside of my own home.

(I am a very direct person, so I think people feel like they are being chewed out by me more than I do.)

But every now and then something happens that I just can't let go.  I process it.  I stew over it.  I can't stop thinking about it.  If I can't let it go, I believe it's only fair to the person to let them know that it bothered me.  That way, if there's been some kind of mistake or miscommunication they can clear it up.

When this happens I try to really think about it first.  I try to make sure that I can communicate my feelings accurately without attacking or accusing them.  I try to find a place of peace in myself.  I try to communicate with love and a desire that everyone involved grows from the experience.

And then there's Mama Bear.  Every once in a while something will happen that I sense is a threat to one of my children.  Maybe it's a physical threat.  Maybe it's a spiritual threat.  Maybe it's a psychological threat.  Whatever the case, if you cross this line -- WATCH OUT!

This is when I lose my mind.  This is when I say something that is pure vile.  Totally mean.  With every intent to make the receiver incredibly penitent.  And sometimes I even take that jab in that tender place that I know will hurt their feelings.

My weapon of choice is generally email.  Words are my strength so I hit hard.  And that way the tears of anger I'm crying don't weaken my position or make it so that I can't speak clearly.

In an intense heat of fury I rattle off a scathing email.  I can almost feel the fire under my fingers as I type.  I feel as though I am channeling a demon out to destroy.

And I have that moment.  The moment when the email is finished, fully composed, and I have that little voice that tells me to think a little more before I send it.  Wait just a while.  You might regret this.

But my darker angels win and I hit send.

It is usually within a day that I begin to regret it.  And I compose another email.  This one says, while I still mean what I said about the problem, I do not think you are the devil incarnate and I hope we can still be friends.

I am not proud of this behavior.  It is animalistic at it's purest.  And so far people have been understanding and we've been able to work things out.

But I have learned one very important rule:  You'd better respect Mama Bear.

12 comments:

Beth said...

Although it's not comparatively the same thing, I've reacted similarly when my friends and family have been hurt. (Even my employees on occasion.) When things frustrate me I can work though my anger but on the occasion that someone dear to me or under my "protection" so to speak gets hurt... I feel the same fire/drive that you described - particularly placed in a scathing email. Thank you for putting words to something I've dealt with lately - I don't feel as frustrated with myself. :)

JDaniel4's Mom said...

Stopping from SITS! It is hard to pull back when the finger is hovering above the send button.

Rodeo Princess said...

I do this. And I actually love reading the emails I've sent when writing from pure rage because they are so clever, so pointed, they are almost poetry. I think because I am writing from my deep center, not my rational mind. Anyhow, I have a rule now about it: I read it as much as I want for twenty four hours before sending. And then I make the decision. Sometimes I do send it, sometimes I write another email that is less about physical characteristics and more about personal ethics. Because you can't take it back, and sometimes you don't know the whole story. Just MHO.

The Erin said...

Like the others, the same thing happens to me sometimes when something is posing a threat to my friends or family. I call it my "Mother beastie mode." Though generally my preferred mode of communication would be email, usually I'll enter this mode when I'm in direct contact with the offender and I'll tear them a new one verbally right there on the spot, which is very odd cause usually I have a harder time speaking than I do writing. I think that's a little part of all of us.

My 5 Monkeys(Julie) said...

stopping by from SITS and there are time I need to work on the anger too.

Katie said...

I never have the right words to say in person, but I do tend to text or email angry things later when it comes to me. Lol.

I think it must be something God gives us as mothers to protect our children and family.

The "other woman" who eventually broke up my marriage - she could probably sell a novel on just my email, facebook messages and texts to her telling her exactly what I thought. The thing is - I will NEVER regret those words! Never wish I could take them back. Lol. Different situation though.

Found you through SITS! :-)

Debora said...

Found you from the Lady Bloggers and the title of your post drew me in!

When it's got to do with kids, I'm with you - watch out.

I'm also guilty of sending those scathing emails meant to cut down my opponent and make sure they know without a doubt they have crossed the line.

I've learned to let the hate mail sit and stew at least 24 hours before hitting the send button - it's tough to do sometimes.

Hugs.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Oh my, I'll make sure to never cross your path! LOL

Stopping by from SITS. Have a wonderful day!

Diana said...

I'm the exact same way on so many fronts! But it's my mouth that sends the words flying. Gramma bear can be just as protective.

Visiting via SITS! {hugz} to you, SITStah!

Gwei Mui said...

Just popped over from The Chocolate Chip Waffle.
I used to do that, but since I was made redundant back in 2008, I guess I have had more space to "breathe".
Great blog glad I popped over :)

Terresa said...

I am most def a Mama Bear, at least a fraction of the time. I've been trying to hide my claws, lately, though it's not always easy. (My family sees my claws the most...)

Survivor said...

This Gramma Bear snarls real good if one of the grandkids is threatened.