Every now and then I receive a comment on my blog that bugs me. I can't really put my finger on why. What is it about that comment that irritates me so? Makes me feel like I need to defend myself? It wasn't mean, exactly. So why did it sting?
Well, today I think I finally found my answer. I got my first truly snotty comment. It was on an older post. And a fairly popular one. It felt like a slap in the face. A moment of shock.
But there was beauty to it as well. You see, it was written in a way that helped me figure out what had been bugging me about those other comments. And in such a way that it showed the insecurities of the woman writing it. It was obviously her issue and she was projecting. I am grateful for that. Because it was so evident in hers, I can see it in others' as well.
So what was it? What is it that bugs me so much in those comments? It's someone else assuming that they know what my motivations are. It's someone else telling me how I feel. It's someone else putting words into my mouth. Basically, it's all the childish arguments I've had over the years with people who would rather attack me than argue their point. It's not debate. It's not stating your opinion and backing it up. It's saying, "You don't agree with me so you're stupid!"
I've had way too much experience with this kind of arguing. Too often I don't see it when it happens. I am hurt and can't figure out why. I feel defensive. I feel like a little girl being chastised for not being good enough. I feel like I'm being told that everything that's wrong is my fault.
And those are my issues.
But because this woman took the time to comment, in all her snarky glory, I was able to see it. I was able to see that when a person attacks like this, it's not about me. It's about them. And just because they blame me or think I am stupid it doesn't mean I am. They may throw the label out there but I don't have to choose to wear it.
So if any of you have the need to tell me how I feel, you may. And I will not argue with you. You can just be wrong. And I can be right. And I don't have to prove to you that I am right or defend myself. It's okay if I'm the only one who knows.
To that wonderful woman who gave me this gift this morning, thank you. It may not have been what you intended, but it turned out great for me. Good luck to you as you work through your insecurities. I hope some day you can receive a similar slap in the face that helps you become the person you want to be. And I said that in all kindness and sincerity.
Thanks for the sting.