Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Lesbian Trapped in a Man's Body

This is how my husband describes himself.  You see, he's very attracted to women.  I know, try to wrap your mind around it.

As I examined this phrase I realized that he might be right.  He is kind of a girl.

He's not effeminate in any discernable way.  And he does enough stupid man-things that I want to kill him on a regular basis.  But if ever anyone were "in touch with his feminine side" it's him.

Allow me to illustrate.

My husband does not do home repairs.  He has no idea how; he's not allowed to try.  He can fix computers but nothing else.  He does not own any tools.  He is forbidden to touch power tools.

My husband likes scented candles.  Way more than I do.  His favorite scent is lilac.  Back when I used to get invited to candle parties all the time there was always a handwritten note on the invite that said to bring him along.  Please.

And speaking of parties, you should see him go nuts at a Pampered Chef party.  He thinks anything made by Pampered Chef is a godsend.  I was also instructed to bring him to these parties.  The demonstrator would talk about an item, he would gush about how he uses it to make such and such, how he couldn't live without it, and sales would soar.  I'm pretty sure that as long as he went no one would care if I even came.

At social gatherings he is much more likely to hang out with the women than the men.  Those men are just such . . . men.  They are just gross.  He can't stand locker room talk or behavior.  He doesn't talk sports.  But get him with a bunch of women talking about the mini-whip from Pampered Chef and he can hold his own.

And as much as I love him, he is more like a 14-year old girl than I ever was.  Emotionally needy.  Playing mind games to get attention.  Pouting when I don't include him.

I guess it works out well for us because I am more like a guy in so many ways.  I own the tools.  I do the repairs.  I mow the lawn.  I split the wood.  I explain sports to him.

No, I do not consider myself a man nor am I trapped anywhere I don't belong.  I'm just a very progressive girl.

We fit, in our own peculiar way.  My favorite memory of how we're different would have to be as we prepared for a Memorial Day barbeque with my family.  I was up in a tree with a chainsaw while he was in the kitchen making deviled eggs.

Yup, that's us.

*****
If you liked this story, you'll love the one my daughter tells about him trying to do something manly.

27 comments:

Jennifer Grigg said...

I think of him every time I use my mini whisk to make chocolate milk...Mmmmm.

Tandy said...

hahahahaha....this is so unbelievably great. we really should move back to springville one day. thanks, robin!

Dawnelle said...

Highly amusing! Since the kids lost my most favorite Pampered Chef potato peeler, I've been thinking about throwing a party to get a new one. Now I know who to invite! LOL!

Katie said...

I am speechless! LOL

Day said...

This is ADORABLE. :D

I think guys who embrace the culturally feminine don't get their due. . . I appreciate them because it's easier to just be myself, without worrying about masculine and feminine, when there are other people around who are confident enough to do the same. Thank you for sharing this one.

Just Another Person said...

hahaha.. I love the story of the Memorial day bbq. That's so funny.. I guess we are kind of like that too. I am the house husband, my wife makes the money. And I like cooking a lot. Hey, I baked french bread and banana bread yesterday! I'm into it.

by the way, I hate talking about sports too.

Pastor Sharon said...

Sounds like this works for you guys. I think it's great.

Lisa said...

I've missed you! And I love this post. My hubby for sure does the cooking, and he hates sports and such... but getting him to make deviled eggs, I'm gonna have to work on that. Thanks for this!

Jessica Grosland said...

Does this mean I kinda have two moms?

LBDDiaries said...

Sounds perfectly normal to me! The greatest chefs are usually men so his fascination is no surprise! Alpha Hubby is a manly alpha male who can fix pretty much anything but a computer yet makes THE best mashed potatoes. But he doesn't talk sports or hang with "the guys" and also hates locker room talk and behavior. And like I tell him, when he wants to get in touch with his feminine side, touch me 'cause I'm all he's got (smile)! This was a great post!

UrbanGypsy said...

Awesome. . . he sounds like the perfect husband! LOL LOL

Jean Has Been Shopping said...

LOL - this is cute. I love how he enjoys candles, parties, and cooking. My kind of man.

Kazzy said...

He is fun to hang around with. :)

Caren with a "C" said...

Love it! You both compliment each other well. My brother and SIL are like that too.

Eclipsed said...

It sounds like you guys are a great compliment to each other. I'm definitely handy in my own way. Handy enough to put together my daughter's swing, bouncy seat, and bassinet by myself when I was 8 months pregnant. Phhhh....who needs a man.

grownupforeal said...

Yeah, so my husband's taught me how to communicate my feelings. I used to keep them housed in my designer bags. I learned from him. He is excellent at telling me EXACTLY what he wants. And since it worked for him, I got better and pouring my feelings out on the table like a bag of candy.

It's very freeing to be in a relationship where you know who is who.

Running Circles said...

I loved this post Robin!! It definitely put a smile on my face!

Priscilla - Wheelchair Mommy said...

this has me cracking up with laughter... which isn't fun because I have a sore throat.

You have the man that LOTS of women are secretly jealous and wish to have :D

Amy @ Journey Mum said...

This was an awesome post. :) If it works for you, it's great! My husband and I also have a few of the roles mixed up, though not as much as I would like... I'm the working one and he's at home with the kids. We're still pretty traditional in a lot of ways.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

OMG that is too funny! Esp. the one about him liking scented candles... AND THAT HIS FAVORITE SCENT IS LILAC!!! hee-larious!

Sela Toki said...

What a perfect match! It's unbelievable sometimes how men can do women's stuff so much better then us. Like my husband's cooking. Kids take his better then mine at any given time. But he still wants me to cook though. He even sews better then me but the one thing he refuses to do is clean. LOL.

Alexandra Rose said...

Haha this post is brilliant. You sound like you compliment eachother in your relationship. As they say, opposites attract


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AgingGal said...

As a lesbian myself, I think this is great! Frankly, I've got both genders within as well (I love football and musical theatre). Kudos to all of us progressive enough to acknowledge "the genders within."

Tiffany said...

I loved this! While my husband loves sports and cannot cook a thing, he can be a typical girl in other ways. He's so comfortable in his own skin, though, and we joke about it often.

Oh, and yes, and all the tools I brought with me when we married. And I know how to use them all much better.

zach walker said...

Hello, im an 18 year old male. I have just recently come to the conclusion that I am woman loving woman trapped in a males body. Im 6 foot 6 and I am very much girly. Most people think im gay, but im not. My family said that this would explain a whole lot. Im just curious, is this normal? I love being a guy, but I also like talking with woman, watch romantic movies or shows. I like looking good( by that I mean like white skinnyish jeans,hoody with no shirt underneath, my sisters brue sparky scarf ,nail polish and white and pink sun glasses.) Is that wrong. People make me feel like it. Please let me know. zachwalker94@hotmail.ca

Anonymous said...

I've always felt like a lesbian trapped in a man's body too. I'm not a stereotypical woman or a girl, but some things like that you can just.... Feel. I get along much better with girls and when I look at myself in the mirror, I see something I'm not. I've never been a guy, I never will be. But then again, corrective surgery is so overwhelming, and it's harder to find a lesbian girl who'll love me than a straight one, (which is hard enough as it is). I don't know, life has some ways of throwing problems at us, it's about how we approach dealing with them rather than what we actually do.
That's life I suppose.

David said...

I say that all the time and not because I feel like a female trapped in a males body but it just sounds right. Personally, I myself do more "manly" things than "feminine" things. I tend to befriend women over men and could much easier think of 5 women to stand by me as I get married versus trying to think of 5 men. I have two guy friends though who would take spot 1 and 2 but then past that it would have to my female friends.

Most recently I was speaking with one of my friends and we came to the conclusion that despite the sexual side of things and only based on personality, etc, a lesbian would be my perfect match. Even sexually (without being too graphic) all of my turn ons are oral based. Intercourse itself really doesn't do anything for me but I still do it because well that's what men and women do it a physical relationship. Some may say, well maybe you should think about a sex change, but sadly I do like my male part and again I identify as a man.

Didn't know if anyone else was like that but I guess no one truly fits inside of just one "box".