Each year I choose a word. One word to define the year. No specific goals really. Just a direction. A focus.
Last year my word was HEAL. This year it's RUN.
I take my time choosing my word. I think about it. I ponder it. I pray about it. I spend a good long time observing my life, myself, the world. And, eventually, it comes to me.
The thing is, my word is all-encompassing. It's about every part of my life. It's about physical, emotional, spiritual - everything. So it's usually a word that can be used in many different ways, that can mean many different things.
RUN is different. At least I think it is.
I never know how a word will play out. I choose it at the beginning of the year; then at the end of the year I review. I'm always amazed at how the word fits into all the little corners of my life. If you read my post about last year's word, you'll see what I mean.
But right now, at this point in the year, I still can't see how my word is going to be anything but physical.
That's okay. Maybe my word will work differently this year. But I don't think so. I think somehow it truly will play out in many areas of my life.
For now, I'm going to let it be what my heart wants it to be. I want to run.
I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. Honestly, I've mocked my running friends for years. Although I liked to run as a child and played a lot of sports growing up, once my body changed proportions at around 14 the desire to run just for fun was gone. Running seemed like work. It was great for softball, a lot of work for basketball, and something I only coached for soccer. No longer of interest to me.
My interests shifted away from sports at 14. I joined marching band, which became my life. Running was unnecessary. By the time I graduated high school, I'd left any desire to run long behind. It wasn't even visible in my rearview mirror anymore.
I got married. I had kids. And fifteen years ago my body fell apart. The world fell out from under me. I went to bed for a year and a half.
I've written about that a lot (here, here, and here are just a few). So I'll keep it short and just say, I've been clawing my way back ever since.
Last year was my year of healing. It led to this year - the year I will run.
Because I will.
So far this year my life and my body have fought me. A lot. A month of super long hours of reclamation work at our rental left me with no energy to work toward running. Then I was hit with a bout of bronchitis for two weeks in early February, difficulty breathing and incredible fatigue. And another bout of bronchitis from the end of February through early March. And if there's one thing I need to be able to do if I'm going to run it's breathe. I do have to breathe.
Right now I am still scratchy-throated. I still feel like I'm breathing through gauze. But that's better than feeling like I'm trying to breathe through a rock, which is how it felt when I started.
I believe it's getting better.
It will get better.
And then I will run.