It's time to look back, just for a few moments, and evaluate how this year has gone. Have I used it well? Have I accomplished what I intended? Have I grown and become more me?
I chose one word to guide me in 2013. I chose the word SEE. I knew what I meant but wasn't sure how to put it into words. It turns out, words didn't matter all that much. It wasn't about words. It was about opening my heart. My heart communicates very well, but it doesn't use words.
So let me tell you some of what I've learned.
I've learned that when I get caught up in the running around and getting stuff done mode, I don't see much. But I've also learned that I can step out of that moment and into another one. I can quit doing and start seeing. And when I do I am more me. My heart is more at peace. I don't do it nearly enough, but it can be breathtaking when I do.
I've also learned that sometimes life does it for me. Sometimes things come to a crashing halt and I freak out because things aren't going the way I planned. But then I find that it's because I wasn't being true to me, or life wasn't, and the universe decided to put me back on the right road. I mope and cry and kick against the pricks. And then I sit for a bit. And I look around. And I ask, "What now then?" And I find a way that is me. And it's a happier path.
And sometimes, because I've expressed a willingness to open my heart even when it's scary, God pauses everything. And He shines a spotlight on just one thing or one person. And He shows me a little of what He sees. Without my asking, He shows me things that are glorious, things that are divine, because knowing this and seeing this makes me more me.
It's still tough to put into words. I hope I've come close so you can feel it a bit. The next time you and I have a private moment together, I will try to communicate it to you if you'd like. From my heart to yours. I will take your hands in mine. I will look into your eyes. And I will open my heart. If you're willing to hear it, I believe my heart can talk to yours. (It could possibly result in tears and a hug.)
If you are someone I will never meet, please try to hear it. I am sending it. My heart is bursting with it. And it's for you now.