Life is a tapestry. Every thread is important.
Last night I was asked a question I've thought about a lot. If I could change one thing about my life, what would it be?
She may have meant to ask what I would change about my current life, but that's not how I answered it. I answered about my past.
I've had a lot of difficult experiences in my past. And I've done a lot of stupid things. But when she asked what I'd change my answer was simple. Nothing.
When I've thought about this before, in that way we do when we wish for the magical power of a do-over, the one thing that comes to mind first is the times I've hurt people.
* The time I wrote that mean note.
* The time I said that horribly mean thing because I thought I was being clever.
* The time I broke a friend's heart.
* The time I was selfish when someone needed me.
* The time I said out of anger that I didn't love someone.
* All of these thing multiplied numerous times and many others.
If I have any regrets in my life, it would be these. But if I had the power to take them back, if I had a Jimmy Stewart/It's a Wonderful Life moment, would I? No. I wouldn't.
And this is why. I like who I am. I like who I am so much better than who I used to be. And each of those moments affected me. Each of them led to growth. They helped me become me. I would be terrified that pulling on even one of those threads would change the picture of my life. Would change it into something less wonderful.
And I'm sure many of those moments changed the people I associated with. They grew. They learned, possibly just to be more kind than me. It would be awfully selfish of me to mess with someone else's life like that so I could have fewer regrets.
The threads in my tapestry matter. Every single one of them. The picture might not be anything like what I expected, but it's exactly what I need it to be.