Saturday, March 3, 2012

I Don't Like Food

I don't like food.  There.  I said it.  Now it's out there.

I believe there will be some who read this and accuse me of being anti-American or from another planet or something.  I've asked around, and this just isn't one of those things that makes people around me say, "Me, too."  This is weird.  It's just not right.

And I agree.  It's not right.  In fact, it kind of sucks.

It seems that food and I have a different relationship than just about everyone else on the planet.  I listen to people talk about food.  They oooh and aaah like it's magic.  Like it casts some kind of spell on them.  I watch people at restaurants, struggling to choose something because it all looks so good.

I envy that.

I look at the menu and spend a good ten minutes trying to find something I can eat.  Something I might enjoy. 

Sometimes I can eat food just like normal people.  I get hungry, I get something to eat, the taste is pleasing, I am filled.  But that's rare.  And even when things go well I don't seem to be getting the same pleasure from it that others do.  It's not a glorious experience for me.  The food was good.  Now I'm not hungry.  That's about it.

And other times, if I think about it too much, I can't really eat more than a few bites.  I'm not a big fan of the process of eating.  I can be chewing along, eating my meal, and then I think about what I'm doing.  I pay attention to the food in my mouth.  And I gag.  I'm done.  No more food for me.

I go hungry a lot.

It's not uncommon for me to realize it's four in the afternoon and I haven't eaten anything that day.  My body doesn't like that.  I often eat medicinally.  I usually eat because it's necessary to sustain my body and because my headache gets worse if I don't.  My life would be much simpler if eating weren't required.

I've seen people look at cook books like they are food porn, drooling and desiring.  That's just never been me.

So please understand if I don't eat what you offer me.  It's not a statement on your cooking.  Chances are it's just not a good eating day for me.

I know it's strange.  I've come to accept the fact that I'll never be like other people in this way.  Food and I will never have that kind of relationship, that seductive romance that I watch others experience.

I'm strange and that's okay.

**********
To read more about my food issues, go here.
To read more about my resulting psychiatrist visit, go here.

16 comments:

Suz said...

Anxiety, depression and all the meds that go along with it, most definitely mess up my appetite and palate, along with many other , well one, pleasure centers. Yet I still yearn for dark chocolate and good orgasm,damn that "paxil," it messes with everything.

Eclipsed said...

I don't think I've ever heard of that before. I grew up in a big Italian family and food was like another member of the family. It was a sign of love. Which is just as weird in a way and probably one of the reasons why I'm in a constant battle with my waist line! Don't feel badly about it, people have tons of weird issues with food.

MaggieJo said...

I'm thinking I can help you out. Any time you have something that just doesn't look good, bring it to me. And I'll eat it. I seem to enjoy food way too much.

Carole said...

You might like this cartoon about normal people. http://caroleschatter.blogspot.co.nz/2012/03/funny-quote_05.html

Dawnelle said...

So ironic. I was just thinking that I wish I never had to eat. I'm sick of struggling with the love/hate relationship.

In high school, I read Kafke's The Hunger Artist. The main character would go weeks and months not eating as part of a carnival side show. The end of the story he stated that he would have eaten, if he could have found something he liked. It's a great short story if you haven't read it yet.

BTW, I was already taking cookies over to Maggie--don't worry about her for today. ;)

Anonymous said...

I love this article, you've just described exactly how I feel about food.
I have always thought that I'm so weird!! On a typical day I will wake up then wait 3/4 hours before eating then I will eat tiny portions about 5 times until bedtime (e.g. 2 fish fingers) I can't even eat a whole pack of crisps

Bonnie said...

I understand how you feel. I enjoy the flavors of things, but after years of analyzing what it contains, sometimes I think it's all more bother than it's worth. I don't mind missing meals, but find myself eating mindlessly, unsatiated. If I didn't have people to provide for, I'd probably bag the whole thing. Food used to have such power over me. Now habit does. Someday I will.

TagtraumbÃĪrchi said...

Me to :) There you go^^

I'm currently struggling with my "hidden eating disorder" as my dietetics teacher likes to call it :/ Some days I just shove everything I can find into my mouth just to be disgusted afterwards...but mostly I just don't eat anything. I'm obsessing over my weight...weighing myself like three times a day.
For me, food isn't something good...but something dangerous. That's why I want to become a dietian...to change my attitude towards eating :)

I'm so glad, I'm not the only person feeling strange about eating, food etc. in one way or another^^

xoxo
Hope you're doing well :)

Craftwhack said...

Oh yes. I am so ambivalent about food. It's fine. Sometimes I enjoy it, but I find the whole process of cooking to be so tedious- I race through it and HATE sitting at the table when I'm through eating; it's sort of a task to get through. But anyway... thanks for coming to visit on my SITS day!

Missy | Literal Mom said...

I sometimes love food more than anything else in the whole world. It's so interesting to hear it from this perspective. Thanks so much for sharing how it makes you feel.

and thanks for visiting on my SITS day.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you. You aren't alone, and evidently, neither am I. I'm a sixteen year old girl who just doesn't like food. The process is odd, thinking about it is icky, and the thought of putting something that isn't a particular pre-approved food in my mouth stirs panic.

I find iceberg lettuce, apple, and protein bars useful. :)

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Anonymous said...

Im the same. i just don't enjoy food at all. its like i get hungry so i eat. and im hungry a lot so eat a lot, yet stay thin. When i eat o just think urgh can't be bothered, but force it down me because im constantly hungry. i just have no pleasure in food at all. if i didn't get hungry or have to eat to survive i just wouldn't eat

Anonymous said...

Same way. I can go an entire day and realize at 8pm I haven't eaten, then go in the kitchen and stare at everything in the fridge and cabinet, wanting none of anything.

Cooking takes time from other things I find fun. Eating takes time from them, too. Then you have to go to the bathroom. It's all so mindless. If I could find a way to get energy into my brain and body by using a portable IV, I'd do it.

Right now my solution is Red Bull and coffee, which are far more efficient and less time-consuming for my body's energy production than food is. Food is simply inefficient at doing what it says it's going to do. You're told if you eat an apple you'll have enough energy to get things done.

Untrue.

Meanwhile a Red Bull's energy can last you all day... there is something either wrong with us, or wrong with the idea of food. Guess which I think it is.

Cee Jay Cee said...

Hello

I came across your site after typing into Google 'Don't like food', and want to say that I felt I could have written what you said word for word if not almost.

I have always had a problem with food since childhood, and probably put it down to being force feed certain foods I didn't like when a child, such a Brussel sprouts, peas, &c. and a certain pudding called Sago that reminded me of frog spawn. I Googled a picture of it before I wrote this post and was almost sick just by looking at it - I just gagged.

I have a problem with tastes and textures, but I have Attention Deficit Disorder and possible SPD - Sensory Processing Disorder, which is attached - or not as the joke may be - to food and tastes and textures. To me - if something looks gross it probably is. But then again foods that look nice I don't want to try and eat either.

I too cannot understand the way a person gets excited about cook books, and I've never been one for fancy restaurants and food. Then these people probably wouldn't understand how I get excited over a piece a fabric (I'm a seamstress).

I live on my own so can eat - or in my case not eat - what I like. I'm happy to nibble on cream crackers and have a cupboard shelf full of them. Just as long as my cats have food that is all that matters.

It was good for me read that someone else is experiencing the same situation as I am.

Thanks again for the posting.

With blessings.

Cee Jay

Anonymous said...

I hear you loud and clear. I eat because they say I should. My poor husband, who loves eating, could never understand.

Do you ever find you stop eating just because you are no longer hungry... and because you're just tired of eating what is there.

If I could never have to eat I'd be happy about that. It's all just a lot of useless bother to me. And my husband's Need To Eat just drives me crazy. What a tyrant this eating is