Friday, December 30, 2011

You Fell Out of the World

A while back I was listening as my son coached my daughter with a video game.  I heard a squeal of disappointment and he said, "You fell out of the world."

I'm not quite sure what the implications of this were for her; I'm not very familiar with the game.  But that phrase struck me.  And has stuck with me.

You see, sometimes I fall out of the world.

I am going along, doing my thing, and suddenly I am nowhere.  There is no earth beneath me.  I simply am.  But what I am is unclear.

I've been in this non-place lately.  Disconnected but somewhat present.  Visible but absent.  Unable to find what I've lost.

I have moments of normalcy.  My feet touch the ground and I run from here to there trying to get things done, knowing my time is temporary.  And then normal dissipates like a fog and I am undone again.

Time passes and yet the earth is still.  My mind races and yet I can't think.  I speak and do and yet there are no results.

I will find my footing again.  Gravity and I will renew our relationship.  The earth will be solid.  And I will be a part of all that exists.  I will exist.

For now I am simply waiting.


Rubye Jack said...

You cause me to wonder if I have ever been "in" the world. Very interesting thought Robin.

Libby said...

If I could Miss Robin I would find that string and pull it so you are once again anchored to the ground and can find you footing. Since I can't do that do you mind if I wait with you?

Bonnie said...

That's an interesting way to describe a feeling. It feels a little familiar, though I wouldn't presume to say it's what I've felt. I remember feeling a lot of anxiety that I was like a ball of string, so tightly wound, but that if someone ever unwound me there would be nothing there. It was as if I was nothing if not tightly wound, because there was nothing at the core of me. Probably a little different, but I get the gravity metaphor. Anxiety is fun in all its many colors. You are loved by many people. When you can sense the ground again, it will be right there waiting for you, as will we.

Birdie said...

I don't know if I have ever really been on the world or in it. The last three months I have not touched down at all. I wait with you.

Tagtraumbärchi said...

What a great post....and it's true: One really falls out of the world sometimes. Right now I feel just the same in a terrible, terrible way and I'm struggling to get out of there again.

I wish you all the best and a happy and wonderful new year 2012 :)
Sry, that I haven't been around here for such a long's been an a-hole lately...but I've finally managed to write a new post^^


Naked Mommy said...

This is beautiful but sad. I know the feeling... the kids are doing the cutest things, you know it, but don't feel the joy you know you should.. but then some days you do and then you laugh so hard you cry. I dunno, maybe that's just me but this post really resonated with me. Self awareness is key to getting better. I think you're doing great!!