Saturday, July 30, 2011

Shut Up, Stupid Brain!

It's after four in the morning.  I'm tired.  It's dark and quiet.  Why won't you let me sleep?

Don't you understand what tomorrow will be like for me?  I have things to do and people counting on me.  I want to sleep.  Why can't you shut up?

I know you have a million ideas.  I know you want to plan for tomorrow, which chores we'll do and which errands we need to run. 

I know you want to review today, thinking about what we got done.  And, more importantly, what we didn't.  Yes, I know there is still so much to do.  But it's four in the morning; we really can't do it now.

If I go out and start cleaning the living room and sorting the books and toys one of two things will happen.  I will wake someone else up and they will be miserable, too.  Or, it will just make me even more awake and I won't get any sleep at all tonight.

It's easy for you.  You don't have to worry about limited energy.  Why are you the only part of me that never seems to get tired?

And why do you take such pleasure in torturing me?  Do you get some kind of sick satisfaction from keeping me up all night?  Is there a battle being waged between you and my body?

It's not fair, you know.  I am trapped in the middle.  Trying to maintain the peace.  Trying to meet your needs and my body's needs.  Do you have any idea how difficult that is?

Of course not.  You worry only about yourself.  It's all about you.  "Look at what I can do," and then you take the stage.  Performing songs, stories, and wondrous feats to dazzle the mind.  To occupy the thoughts and senses.  To stimulate the body into producing adrenaline.  Because you are afraid that if I go to sleep you will lose your audience.

I guess that's kind of true.  You go on performing while I sleep, and when I wake up I have no memory of all you've done.  Sometimes I have a slight memory of the shows you put on while I sleep.  Quite the imagination, you have there.  They are fantastical shows.

If I promise to try to remember, will you let me sleep?  Let's give it a shot.  I will listen and watch while I sleep.  You put on your best show.  And in the morning we'll review.  Do we have a deal?


Linda said...

I'm afraid I can be a little dyslexic at times, and thought you were talking about a Brian and couldn't figure out if this was your alter-ego or your husband. Ah well...
My brain does the same thing, on and on and on. I hope you finally got some sleep.

Katie said...

and my brain argue ALLLL the time!


Birdie said...

I have quite nasty panic attacks at night. I started listening to something like a Gregorian chant and that helps. Or sometimes not. I was awake most of last night.

This is great writing by the way.

MaggieJo said...

I am having this argument tonight, which really isn't fair seeing as I have this fight with a baby also. But when is life fair?

The Blonde Duck said...

My brain does this all the time!

Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness said...

Lately, I've had so much trouble sleeping and it IS about my brain not wanting to shut up.

Clever perspective on this problem :)

Lynn from For Love or Funny said...

Oddly enough, my brain quiets down when I watch reruns of Two and a Half Men. If I ever can't fall asleep, it's off to my DVR for some Charlie Sheen.

Saretta said...

I hate those nights! :-)

Just Be Real said...

Oh I hear ya on this one!!!

3D's Bits of Crafts said...

I found your blog this early morning after clicking on your link to your zentangle diva challenge. then I started cruising around on your pages. Ironic how I have been up all night. I have this same argument with my brain. You did such a great job articulating what it is like to have a night with no sleep. Thank you. Now I have someplace to send my friends when they say they don't understand. They still might not understand, but at least they will see that I am not alone!

Sara Graef said...

this is why i take lunesta.