My husband and I have separate bedrooms.
I'll just let you sit with that for a moment and get all the judgments out of the way.
Feel better? Good. Let's move on.
Okay, maybe you already knew. Maybe it doesn't bother you. Maybe it makes you just a little unsettled. Maybe you think it's just plain wrong. Whatever your reaction, it's okay. I don't mind what other people think about it.
I was surprised when it bothered other people so much though. I didn't realize that our sleeping arrangements were of interest to anyone else. My elderly neighbor found out and thought it was his place to counsel me strongly against it as we were standing in line at the grocery store. Most people just raise an eyebrow but keep their mouths shut. My therapist was thrilled.
It was either separate rooms or divorce. We tried separation, but we missed each other. And sharing a room was too much. When we aren't getting along sleeping on the couch just doesn't do it. We need to be able to go to our corners.
There were lots of things that went into the decision. There was a little worry about judgment initially. We worried about how our kids would react.
All in all, it's been great for us. Our kids have even told me how much better things seem.
There are tons of benefits. He snores and talks in his sleep; I am a light sleeper. He goes to bed early because he has to get up early; I am almost never in bed before midnight. He can listen to music to go to sleep; I can read in bed for hours. My room can be what I want it to be and his can be what he wants it to be. And many, many more.
Please don't think I am taking a stand on sleeping arrangements. I have no idea what is best for you in your house. It was the right decision for us.
We aren't forced to spend time together. Because we have separate bedrooms, we have to choose it. But it's okay, because we do.