Thursday, May 13, 2010

Your Place or Mine?

My husband and I have separate bedrooms.

I'll just let you sit with that for a moment and get all the judgments out of the way.

Feel better?  Good.  Let's move on.

Okay, maybe you already knew.  Maybe it doesn't bother you.  Maybe it makes you just a little unsettled.  Maybe you think it's just plain wrong.  Whatever your reaction, it's okay.  I don't mind what other people think about it.

I was surprised when it bothered other people so much though.  I didn't realize that our sleeping arrangements were of interest to anyone else.  My elderly neighbor found out and thought it was his place to counsel me strongly against it as we were standing in line at the grocery store.  Most people just raise an eyebrow but keep their mouths shut.  My therapist was thrilled.

It was either separate rooms or divorce.  We tried separation, but we missed each other.  And sharing a room was too much.  When we aren't getting along sleeping on the couch just doesn't do it.  We need to be able to go to our corners.

There were lots of things that went into the decision.  There was a little worry about judgment initially.  We worried about how our kids would react. 

All in all, it's been great for us.  Our kids have even told me how much better things seem.

There are tons of benefits.  He snores and talks in his sleep; I am a light sleeper.  He goes to bed early because he has to get up early; I am almost never in bed before midnight.  He can listen to music to go to sleep; I can read in bed for hours.  My room can be what I want it to be and his can be what he wants it to be.  And many, many more.

Please don't think I am taking a stand on sleeping arrangements.  I have no idea what is best for you in your house.  It was the right decision for us.

We aren't forced to spend time together.  Because we have separate bedrooms, we have to choose it.  But it's okay, because we do.


Kazzy said...

Sounds like a good solution to your problems, but what do I know? And if a little courting gets to be part of the deal then even better!

Hey, it's enough to manage my own life. :)

Luann said...

It's cool you guys have found something that works.

I have to admit, I kind of like it when my hubby is out of town overnight. Having the space to myself is a luxury for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. But for me, it wouldn't work long term. Just once in a while is enough. :)

Bonnie said...

I love that you do what works for you, by design. We need more often to examine our lives and decide what works for us instead of remaining trapped in an expectation. What a gift to give your kids ... that you value the real things that are happening in your family more than a perception. And how refreshing that sleeping together isn't something owed, but something chosen. Cool.

Dawnelle said...

When I was younger, I was SHOCKED to find out that my aunt and uncle slept in different rooms. I told them to their faces, "I didn't get married to sleep by myself." (I was 19.) I still don't prefer to sleep alone. But (not that you're seeking my opinion) I think that finding solutions to problems is what's most important. If this is your solution, hurray for you! I'm glad. :)

Logan Jones said...

I think that is smart. Even sharing a hotel room with my family bugs me. I like having my own sleeping space where people dont bug me about my snoring, or talking in my sleep. I love your family, by the way. I love living across the street from you. Its fun.

Katy said...

I actually feel alot better since you cleared that up!

No, really, it does sound like a great arrangement.

Who was the "elderly neighbor?" lol!

Jessica Grosland said...

I'm also so impressed with your new-ish found ability to do what's good for YOU without caring what other people think. I hope somewhere in my thick skull I can pick up on that.

misssrobin said...

@Logan: We like living by you as well. Thanks.

@Jess: Your skull isn't as thick as you think it is.

Sheila Skillingstead said...

Great post, especially the beginning. You have a great way of writing snarky but fun.

Have a great day. Visiting from Sharefest after popping over from your other post.

HB Heinzer said...

I love this! We don't have separate rooms but we do have completely opposite schedules. If I had my way, we would each have our own space. I'm glad to hear that it works for you!

Penelope (NYC Blogger) said...

You know, my first instinct was to judge you, but really, it makes sense if it works for you and you are both happy. I wonder why I felt so "blah" about it when in the olden days, this is what rich people did, and poor people slept together because they didn't have extra rooms.