Thursday, April 1, 2010

This Day

I knew this day would come.  When I agreed to blog more often, I knew it and I dreaded it.  I knew there would come a day when I would desperately not want to blog.

It's not that I don't have things to say.  I have so many.  I have so much to say that it's tearing me up inside.  But I can't say it here.

I have other things I could write about.  I have over thirty topics on a list for future blog posts.  But I just can't do it.

I can't be mundane when I am lost.  I can't be trivial when I'm in pain.  I can't pretend everything's okay when it isn't.

I know there are people who get uncomfortable when I let them know my life is hell.  I am sorry to cause anyone discomfort.  But if you choose to peek into the window of my soul, which my writing is, then you need to know that I will be here every now and then.  In a very deep, dark place.  It is within my power to change this, to prevent this from happening anymore, but I'm just not there yet.  I'm not ready to take that step.

I am sorry to be vague, but this is just too public a location for the kind of disclosure that would be required for you to understand.

Just look at your lives, at those you love, and be grateful.

4 comments:

Dona said...

I am grateful. You're one of those people I look to and count myself blessed to know. Hope you feel better soon.

Kazzy said...

Big hugs to you, my friend. I hope my challenge for you to write more isn't adding to your stress. FOrget about it. Blogging is nothing compared to peace and privacy, when needed. Love you.

K and D Roylance said...

Much love and prayers your way. Hugs too.

Katy said...

I'm glad you found someone to confide in . . .