Thursday, October 22, 2009

Sincerely Yours

I mean it.
Cross my heart and hope to die; stick a needle in my eye.

All ways to try to convince someone that what you are saying is true.

Have you noticed how much trouble people seem to have with sincerity?  Sarcasm and cynacism seem to be the flavor of the day.  And I am as much a perpetrator in this as anyone.  Probably more.

I'm not talking just about honesty; I'm talking about honesty with heart.  I'm good at honest -- sometimes too good, too direct.

There are some people who are truly sincere all the time.  They mean what they say and believe that you do as well.  I'm not sure where these people come from, but it's somewhere special.  Probably not earth.  Maybe they're victims of body snatchers.

Sometimes these people are difficult for me to communicate with.  So much of what I say is in jest and they don't always get it.  Not because they aren't intelligent, but because we don't speak the same language.  I speak with clever quips.  They speak with love and kindness.

I wish I could be more like them.  I wish that I could pass up that quick comeback so that the person I'm speaking to feels valued and trusts what I say.

My grandma was that way.  I never doubted that she meant what she said and I always felt important to her.

So why can't I do it?

Some of it is about allowing myself to be vulnerable, to put myself out there.  If I am sincere about my feelings and am rejected, it hurts more.  Sarcasm allows for deniability. 

It's also about habit.  Change is hard.  It's uncomfortable. 

And, truthfully, sarcasm is fun!  It's a challenge, a skill.  I've spent years getting better at it.

But I've gotten so good at it.  Too good.  If I start being sincere now, who will believe me?  How long will it take for people to buy into it?  And how long can I keep it up?

Let's find out.